Confidence is a hugely underestimated tool in all forms of communication and negotiation. Whether in person, through speeches or by the written word, it has the power to change views and directions, minds and hearts. It is a key to success, to opening doors for your future and to gaining trust and it is an often unrecognized skill. If mastered, it is extremely powerful and to be unapologetically confident is an art.
Confidence is key to every success you wish to achieve, whether it be in your job, in a sport, or in your relationships.
The question, however, is how do you become confident and how do you balance being unapologetically confident without appearing narcissistic or arrogant (labels that people nowadays are keen to bestow upon others)?
The definition of confidence is a feeling or belief that one can have faith in or rely on someone or something.
Confidence comes from within and not without. You, therefore, need to believe and rely on yourself first.
Where do we start?
On the 29th of July 1981, I watched Charles, then the Prince of Wales, marry Lady Diana. I wondered out loud, how a girl go from being just a girl to being a princess in one day. My stepmother jokingly offered an answer, but one which I cherish till this day. She said: “Oh it is easy, all you do is you wave, count to three…, touch your pearls, count to three…, smile count to three…breathe, count to three and repeat!”
Over the years I have seen people, waving their arms in demonstration, frustration and anger; I have seen people clutching their pearls in heartache, desperation and fear and I have seen them grimace in vengeance and hatred – but I hardly ever see them breathe!
So, begin your journey to confidence by breathing. If you concentrate on your breathing and learn to control it, with practice, you will be mindful and present. I guarantee that living in the moment will bring you confidence. People who live in yesterday are often sorrowful about lost time, or are pining for wonderful days gone by; people who live in tomorrow are scared and anxious because of the unknown, but people who live in the moment are happy. Breathing will quieten your mind so that you can become aware of the voices in your head. Waking up with natural light, meditation, keeping a journal, taking a cold plunge, clearing the clutter around you are all habits that will help you to be more mindful.
Secondly, you have to know precisely what it is that you want, because only when you know what it is that you want, will you be able to give people what they need and so can fulfil your life’s purpose. Listen to the voices in your head; they may call you to act upon something or, perhaps, advise you to avoid a certain path. The reason why successful people often refer to their passion, or to what they do as “a calling”, is because that is precisely what it is.
Too many people ignore these voices and then, later, wonder why they are unhappy or why life seems to have passed them by. You do, however, need to trust the choices that you make and have faith because, only then, will you show up in order to achieve your calling. If you think about it carefully, it is the showing up which is the success. The succeeding is merely the accolade of the “showing up”.
In the search for the ‘real you’, you need to embrace your suffering and find glory in it, because suffering produces perseverance, perseverance character and character hope [Romans 5: 3-5]. With character and hope will come wisdom. You will acquire confidence because you will have become, through your perseverance, the authentic you who cannot suffer from the imposter syndrome because you cannot be caught out as being a fraud. People will be able to trust you, you will exude credibility and confidence will come naturally.
With wisdom comes power. Power will give you the permission to spend your energy where you choose, to rise to the occasion, to embrace your bespoke purpose. And, power fueled by wisdom will give you influence to complete the circle of not only your life but the lives you touch. Have you noticed how many people have power but no influence? The Kardashian’s come to mind. It is because their power is “powerless”. It is not used for the greater good of mankind or the planet, it is completely self-serving and self-centered. This type of confidence comes with an apology, or it should, as it is not founded on wisdom.
There is often a delicate balance between conflict and confidence. In today’s society, where personal boundaries can become blurred and social media gives individuals an easy outlet for harsh words, conflict is nearly unavoidable. It’s tempting to think that life was simpler in the past when the world was quieter and less intrusive. However, the ability to effectively resolve conflict relies heavily on one’s confidence.
Resolving disagreements successfully requires the assurance to calm and reassure those involved. This means not just having confidence in yourself, but also being able to extend that sense of trust to others—to take someone into your confidence. Finally, a quiet wisdom, with the ability to perceive insults, and emotional attacks objectively, and respond with calm, unapologetic confidence, will be your accolade because you have done the work. You have risen to the occasion. You have answered the callings. Now you can help those who fell and struggle to get up. Congratulations you are on your way to achieving personal greatness.